I think everyone kind of wishes, deep down, that Obama was their dad.

I just posted this on another article, but I’m gonna repeat it.

Also

Mark Cuban is election Santa.

Surely Mark Cuban can dig around his couch cushions and come up with the 5 million. For America.

Until you realize that it’s Hillary Clinton and she’s a goddamn boss and she’s still prepping for tomorrow night’s debate because she’s a professional.

I call her Hermione Clinton in my head now, because you just know that even though she could beat Trump without studying a goddamn bit, she still studies because she wants to be the best she can possibly be.

It’s easy to imagine Hillary Clinton wiling the evening away with some close friends, laughing over champagne over all of this mishegoss.

If you don’t want your daughter to hear the word “pussy” maybe don’t let her watch the segment where you’re defending Donald Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussy. That’s like going on Twitter on a Sunday night and complaining about Game of Thrones spoilers.

Typical left-wing pinko liberal media bias tactics #101: quote people accurately.

“ha ha ha ha look at this fantastical children’s toy made by jrr tolkien ha ha ha ha isn’t it funny, ayn”

I won the debate if you decide without watching the totally one-sided “spin” that followed. This despite the really bad microphone.

Hang on. Trying I’m to help the young one with his math.

DJT: Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia...

sorry everyone

Chokers and flannels are back, now Brad and Gwynnie can hook up and our return to the 90's will be complete.

Makes sense, she can’t stay with someone for too long. Otherwise they start asking questions about how she never ages and needs permission to enter people’s homes.

Is it okay if I- white, straight, male- play this game, too? Because I like it!

Yes Ivanka, Cosmo readers do and should care about issues impacting women and children (and families of all kinds) which is why they fucking asked you those questions.