“It’s not an exact science,” said the department’s spokesperson Mark Toner in a press briefing. “When we’ve upgraded, we’ve always said that that certainly does not speak to whether it was classified at the time it was sent.”

“I didn’t look at her teeth. But she doesn’t have like a real pretty face at all.”

“keep him in check and control his child-fucking tendencies”

Hung over? Have to work? Try LSD. It perks you right up.

“Shortboard”

I would think it should be due diligence for an HR department to search this list immediately to identify possible workplace shooters.

Not sure if you know, but he’s like, totally crashing at their place right now. I’ll bet he doesn’t want them to kick him out. He might be employing a little-known tactic known as “discretion” so that Ecuador doesn’t hand him over to the numerous angry intelligence services and their host nations that will Oswald the…

Just leave one of these out.

OK, that would be an amazing miniseries : Skynet and Connor have/will have/are mangling the timeline so badly that the Doctor is forced to step in and begin repairing the damage.

I have a safety razor. I got it at CVS in the “As seen on TV!” aisle. It was like $9.95 and had some bald dude from some reality TV show on it. It works really well, but it took me a while to get into it - not for everyone. I would suggest picking up a super cheap one first to make sure you like it. Then you can pick…

I have a safety razor. I got it at CVS in the “As seen on TV!” aisle. It was like $9.95 and had some bald dude from…

“If you are tired of starting over, stop giving up!”

“But you’ve got officers who are scared now. Officers who are in fear of being charged with shit.”

What’s crazy about this clip is that I completely recognize that actress from 30 Rock.

I was shocked and horrified about the whole vagina probing thing until I figured out that it seems to be a class primarily focused on teaching folks how to properly probe vaginas. The vaginal probing would be outrageous in a gardening class or a basket-weaving class. Vaginal probing in a vaginal probing class, though?…

Just do them in the bathtub when you shower. Duh.

Nice article! I am a proud father of two and I have a foolproof system for this. It seems any time there is a death from this sort of thing it is because the parent, either by virtue of being an idiot as you say or just being super busy all the time, forgets that the child is there. So what I started doing was this:…

To be fair to Joe, popping the kid’s binky in your mouth is kind of the height of toddler-level comedy. That kid was probably giggling his ass off to see the old man with the pacifier.

It’s good for their immune systems. And you also get them the good mouth bacteria which is supposed to help their biome or something like that. I just do it because I am a lazy fucker. If my laziness helps my boys be healthy, win-win.

Elope. Get married by a justice of the peace. Buy rings online for less than $100/each.

"And, when you're in one, you can tell the world sure as hell looks differently at you."