The Midwest with palm trees?

All professional teams in Florida should merge into one super league to compete in a sport that mainly involves hacking at each other with machetes.

It says a lot that, for just a second, I believed there was a bizarre murder in Hope Solo’s family that I’d forgotten about.

The real shitpile is the beast between her legs

+1 roast beef sandwich

That’s some good comedy from those two. I particularly like the part where they sarcastically described Sam Bradford as a “quarterback.”

Michael: “People love J.J. Watt, but they don’t really like J.J. Watt, know what I’m saying?”

Just wish Michael had turned on his brother mid-interview, made mention of his conspicuous lack of rings, and say that’s why Mom named you Martellus and not Marshowus

“...two brothers who consistently provide the best soundbites in the NFL.” Wow... In 2016 nonetheless....

“Worst quarterback in the NFL,” [Michael] says.

Rio is in danger of becoming the Barry Bonds of Olympic venues. If they just kept the media happy, they could have (and will!) shit the bed on everything else here.

By no means am I excusing DeRozan’s behavior, but if you knew what Prince Nakawazele’s treasurer took him for, you’d want to punch the first Nigerian you met too.

About a day after masturbating is no longer a fun way to pass the time.

“Nine Argentine athletes perished today in the Olympic village housing when the floor unexpectedly collapsed.”

I can’t stand it.

Then again it’s Chicago so there are plenty of other bullets to be dodged.

Counterpoint: Maybe the little bitch deserved it.

Don’t do this. Be a responsible hot pepper cutter.

But the video titled “Fire up session” from 16 days ago shows a man and a woman smoking a blunt, presumably filled with weed.