The only "actual" American on U.S. currency. 

Can’t fix stupid!

You gotta be pretty incompetent to not remember your room number. I can find my room even when I’m shit faced drunk.

“More than 21 million people live in the state of Florida.”

You just shush now. We need to eradicate Florida Man.

So my friend tells me that there is one more episode left in the series. I told him that I’ve never watched a single scene, let alone, a single episode of Game Of Thrones, and I’m happy with that. Enjoy your finale.

Not quite that efficient yet, but we’ll get there.

WTF!??! That is 100% NOT true. What the fuck is wrong with you?

LMAO!

Where I live in California, I can literally go online, order my weed, and they deliver it to my house, and that is WITHOUT a prescription.

I remember those! But, how cool is this thing (skip ahead to about the 0:40 mark)?

What in the actual fuck? Did you not read the article? He DID have the proper documentation, and he IS/WAS here for an important reason.

Nope. Not funny. At all.

I think I’m eternally doomed to a residency there. :/

Go back to Faux and Friends you fucking douche nozzle.

Nailed it.

How about this one?

“historically low unemployment...”

“Drill Baby Drill: Open the national parks to oil drilling! Open the coastlines! Open the backyards! Open everywhere! You might find a dollar down there, under a dolphin’s carcass.”

Damage Control.