I have no idea how it's prepared. I know it's sliced thin (about 1/8") and typically with a bit of lemon on top. I think maybe it's boiled first? Or maybe they just serve it raw at sushi joints. I really don't know. But it is delicious.

Goddammit do you have a room to rent?

I'd like to enter an octopus eating contest and win said octopus eating contest, and as a prize get a t-shirt with an octopus on it and also a year's supply of octopus. Octopus is my favorite type of sushi.

I found that in France, and especially Spain, looking expectantly is about as effective as pissing on a 3 alarm fire. Getting a waiter to make eye contact was generally fairly difficult. Absolutely lovely people in both countries, though. Barcelona is one of my favorite cities on earth.

The lady in the Olive Garden lake of marinara sauce has to choose you, then you have to pull a pasta fork from a block of extra hard cheese.

$20k? Shit. That's getting off easy.

I worked at The OG for a while. Perhaps even the same one, because I had to deal with the same kinds of folks. They'd loudly complain that they "had to wait 2 hours just to eat spaghetti." No, dipshit, you didn't. You could have gone somewhere else, or stayed home. I don't understand why people choose to wait,…

C'mon, he was wearing a bowtie. Only douche nozzles and Pee Wee Herman wear bowties. This is a fact.

I've noticed that Chinese restaurants, likely because they're largely family owned, demonstrably show their appreciation to frequent customers. Free egg rolls soups and whatnot, sometimes even some stuff the chef whipped up that's not on the menu. This is very good, because Chinese food is one of my favorite types…

"It WAS a good script!"

Sometimes my mother would line all three of us up for a spanking. Being the youngest, I was last in line. I learned if I started crying while the other two were being spanked, my mother would take pity on me and spare the rod. Sometimes it's good to be the youngest.

Yeah, but have you ever done it...on WEED?

Holy shit, I totally forgot about the door off the hinges thing. Ahhhh, childhood.

Please tell everyone to just shut the fuck up. I received corporal punishment several times when I was a child. Let me tell you- it really sucks when mom misses your butt and wacks you on the small of your back with a coat hanger or a wooden spoon. What did I learn from these instances? To do as I was told. I…

Daniel Murphy- Some men will endure just about anything to feel the strong yet gentle warm, hairy embrace of another man, and to caress that man's firm, finely sculpted buttocks; to feel that man's hot breath on his neck as he's taken from behind. Only through unwavering faith in the lord can I- err, they, resist…

Someone should ask Mr. Murphy when he made his heterosexual lifestyle choice.

It's like if Beavis and Butthead were real people, and were famous.

I think it's a tie.

Perhaps one of the lady's surnames was "Reserved". I can see how that would be confusing.

Before I go to any fast food chain, I ALWAYS check the Yelp reviews. I'm not stepping foot in a BK that says I can't have it my way.