He’s just going to write whatever happened in the show and pad it out with descriptions of clothes, feasts and nipples.

All I know is that 14th pick is going to eventually wind up in Green Bay where he’ll win 5 Super Bowls.

You hear that? Bears. Now everyone’s in danger

The 14 stunned birds were later quoted as saying “They were so good at the beginning of the season, what the fuck happened?!”

This is outstanding. I’m actually genuinely thrilled for this and hope that he has a long, long career running the Lakers.

Rose is 28 years old.

shoutout to Vivek Ranadive for his Michael Jordan-esque scouting of college players, in which he sometimes watches the NCAA tournament and says “oh that guy looks pretty good let’s go get him”

Now, tell me again—was it this man with an 8-figure net worth who hit you, or his broke-on-paper friend?

As long as the victim gets a restraining order commanding Richardson to stay 3 yards away at all times, she shouldn’t have any more problems with him.

The heartwarming Hobbit trilogy reunion:

This is all very unfair to poor Sage Steele. She makes it clear it’s not herself she’s worried about—it’s all the OTHER flyers (some of them immigrants too, by golly by gum!) who were being inconvenienced for whom Sage Steele’s heart wept. And all because some untidy and obstreperous liberals got a little upset about…

I work really hard on the fundamentals. Dribbling, passing, not leaving the ground...

This is one of the best missed dunks I’ve ever seen. Beautiful approach, completely unexpected when the miss occurs, and the ball flies 50 feet in the other direction. 10/10

That’s a good panda.

In Cleveland you have to be the first to find and administer a life-saving shot of adrenaline directly to the heart of an overdosed Brownie the Elf somewhere in the Flats to win tickets.

That’s what I tell my wife when she thinks I dutch oven.

Most people I know would be thrilled to get a letter from the President elect.

This column saves me watching these morons stumble around for an hour and cuts it down to a minute or two of reading.

This is why, when I have kids, I want the coach who doesn’t want to be there and his wife made him because his kid is on the team, not the dedicated bachelor who loves kids and sports.

If that’s anything like the 5,000 similar structures you’ll see on the Bay in a year, I have a hunch he has a case of beer, a radio and a few fishing poles in there. I’m not sure what they would be biting on at that depth, but my guess is you’ll have some good luck wit de ol’ nummer 2 chartreuse and a slow but…