i am NOPE-ing out of the internet at this. gonna go nibble on my funny, smart, hot, feminist-activist-awesome unicorn of a boyfriend who doesn’t really give a shit how many people i’ve had sex with in my life.

HELLO. <3

garlic cook is my hero. i will testify that you do. not. fuck. with the cooks when you work in resorts and parks and shit. not that you should ever fuck with cooks at all, but it’s an especially stupid idea when they make your staff meal every goddamn day.

i managed to keep my mouth shut to customers the whole time i worked my previous job, but the smartass would come out in force with delivery drivers.

“hey, do you work here?”
“no, i wander around back of house in an apron covered in blood and goddamn fish guts to pick up bitches.”

i may once have referred to my former Fearless Leader as a ‘glazed-over raw vegan PR nightmare’ drunk in front of my store manager. he had to go take a smoke break to get over the giggle fit. glad to see we’re carrying on the proud tradition.

i was going to say this. i think i’m only at 17 or 18 and i’m a prude compared to a lot of my friends.

i definitely look high AF when i have really severe hypoglycemia. and i once made my mother cry on christmas morning because i was super low and super bitchy about it.

THIS

a remarkable number of conditions are exacerbated by hypoglycemia and malnutrition. IMAGINE THAT.

I WORE A HIGH COLLARED VELVET GOWN TO PROM.

had a delightfully slutty low neckline and bare arms though. i think my mom really enjoyed me going to prom as Goth Princess Extraordinaire.

part of my appreciation for my parents on various days devoted to them is being partial parental figures for my friends who had difficult, abusive, manipulative, or absent parents. they have always taken in our ‘orphans and strays’ (my friends’ terms, not mine...) at holidays and whenever they needed a stable…

i just moved to the Yukon for the summer and i am so stealing this to explain the difference between large northern ungulates.

dear Texas: why the F do you have a hockey team? does water ever actually freeze there?

high five. damn peppers. can’t taste anything else for hours.

OH MY GOD fuck bananas. i hate the texture AND the flavour.

i get bitched out for this. sorry people, i’m fucking sensitive as hell in every possible way, and when i immediately gag upon putting something in my mouth, it means i shouldn’t be eating it. see: childhood tomato allergy, shitty reaction to molluscs.

as someone who works behind a counter....thank you. in case you don't see our looks of gratitude when you're telling off obnoxious customers.

we had a woman who parked her (obscenely expensive ugly as fuck) SUV in our commercial loading bay a few months back. we page the entire grocery store a couple times before actually calling a tow truck. i'm on the back loading dock with the head receiver, an assistant store manager, and another employee. she comes…

ugh. i hate this shit. yes, bone broth is good for you. it's a hot liquid with a reasonable amount of nutrients in it. yes, i drank it daily for a while after screwing up the lining of my stomach, but that's because it's a reasonably nutritious and gut-inoffensive food. it will not cure cancer, diabetes, celiac,…

i woke up to this and i can't even explain how sad i am today. someone gave me Feet of Clay when i was eight, and it was just amazing to find something that resonated with my weird imagination and utterly sideways sense of humour. what an absolutely fantastic person. what a loss.

may the Reaper care for his harvest.

man, that's an old post :P
basically the price of airfare went up and he did me the favour of falling for a girl he wanted to actually date. not a terrible person, but certainly not a great match. people like that are pretty much just a bad habit, no matter how fun it can be.