Chris Pratt, his animal abandonment, homophobia church, and his bullshit nice-guy persona that, mark my words, is hiding a monster, can all go choke to death on a bag of assorted donkey dicks.

I really didn’t like him before. I didn’t enjoy his role in Guardians or Jurassic Park. He just seemed like a dudebro who got ripped.

In the summer of 2060, Chris Pratt will probably be talking to an empty chair at the Republican National Convention.

To me it’s not about them being “cool”. They’re simply to reflect my naval career achievements and my participation in naval tradition.  Besides my cross anchors on my hands everything else is covered up.  I don’t show them off, they’re for me.

How heroic of you.

If you can’t parse what she’s saying but the rest of us can, doesn’t that make you the idiot?

No, she only sounds ‘stupid’ if you have white supremacist ideals of English language usage. Because it’s a living language with multiple colonized cultures participating in the growth of the language her usage is no less valid than that of an upper middleclass suburbanite’s, nor an Australian aboriginal’s, nor the…

It is not correct. Let it go. 

HELP!

Ah, yes. I remember how, during the long years between when I first hit puberty to when I became sexually active with girls on a regular basis, I’d often spend up to 60% of my day involved in “Executive Time”

First round of IUI did not work, and I found out yesterday that my husband thought the money we’ve paid covered the three rounds our doctor said he would do before it escalates to IVF, which we definitely cannot afford. I got the news around 2 yesterday, and I took the afternoon off, knowing I would find out sometime…

Exactly.

DNA testing conspiracy theorists

I’m the same. I wake up around 5am every morning and I’m generally starving, and once I’ve gone for a run I have to eat or I may pass out. On the other hand I’m quite capable of skipping dinner most nights.

I can’t skip breakfast because I literally would be unable to function without it. My brain gets fuzzy if I don’t eat for too long and I get irritable. I have to eat real food though (eggs, veggies, some sort of meat). The super carb heavy foods do indeed make me feel sluggish and sleepy.

I feel like she was overly clear that she is of Scottish descent.

I could not believe he said that!!! No muthafucka, you aren’t hearing ppl say that — YOU’RE SAYING THAT!! He’s a POS! Period. 

As someone preparing to send my toddler to a Spanish immersion daycare tomorrow, I’m damn thankful they don’t “just assimilate.” What does assimilate really mean anyway? I’m the product of illegal Celtic immigration and I play bagpipes, and I might have had a haggis recently. Does that mean I’m not assimilated? Oh,…

I’m envisioning something in a beige stretch polyester that sparks static shocks off every surface.

Get the fuck over this, Brokaw (and others).