Oh no. I BELIEVE in the American worker. I just want to give them a real fight to show off what they can do. (there's a flag waving behind me, and my hair is blowing in the wind)

Don't deny it....you thought the same thing.

Who cares if it's faster? How often are you able to wind the car out on public roads where you won't A) Break the law/get a ticket or B) Be caught in traffic. Sure, a quick squirt out of a toll booth is all well and good, but is that fun?

"Oh, look kids! It's a Douchenberg!"

Inb4 ERMAGHERD HRE IS OVARPRICED

I can't believe there's no mention of Dealer Badges. I know, I should have posted that when you asked. There's nothing worse than getting your brand new car branded like cattle with an ugly dealer badge. There a dealer in Columbia, SC (Jim Hudson), that puts an ugly white on matte black badge that's like 3"x4", and…

'Squared-off' wheel? No one did it better than Chrysler. 1960 Imperial pictured here. Bonus points for looking like a wild-eyed duck.

Clean it.

That. Was. Amazing. Fred, next beer's on me, what'll ya have?

Q: "What options does it include?"

That's all.

Car detailer, because variety. I haven't driven any of these further than around a the block, but these are some of my most memorable vehicles from years of detailing.

I went to a Mini dealer in my area when I was looking for a car a short while ago-I objectively looked at everything in the small hatch category. The Mini was, by far, the most complete disappointment...until the sales guy told me the price of the car I wanted.

Then I couldn't stop laughing. Seriously. I have never…

Is it bad that I read "Paceman" as "Pac Man" the first time I read it? tehehe! But really, the bloat on these poor Mini's has turned it into the Honey Boo Boo of cars or something. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but really, look at this ting and then compare it to the first Mini's that came out under BMW back in the early…

1. Worth getting fired over (because hilarious)

Pandora.

There were actually three of them up here that week.

I've interned for CEOs before. Not as an intern doing bitch work, as an intern doing the CEOs bitch work.

You want a $78 million dollar pay day? Get off your ass and do something to earn it instead of knocking capitalism and holding out your hand.