[insert obligatory "In Soviet Russia" joke here]

So, this could be an opportunity to shed light on some of the lesser known, but no less valuable cultures amongst humanity, examine ancestry, aesthetics, or religious practices, or segue into the currently existing shamanistic groups in Siberia, or even simply marvel at the beauty of ancient body art. HA NO FUCK THAT,…

I wish there was a website of people telling Koko about any bit of news and then taking pictures of her reacting to them. "Koko reacts to growing ISIS threat."

I'd place more trust in Koko to have genuine empathy than I do most of the primates I encounter on the Internet.

Sounds like Chuck doesn't know much about Gorillas and didn't bother to check. They do know about death and they do get sad about it. Even dogs do that and Gorillas are dramatically more human-like in every sense. Tell the Gorilla. Tell her all about it. Of course Koko has feelings. Tell her about Jesus and the…

The whole concept of "slimming" clothes feels so old fashioned, like VHS tapes or fat free sour cream.

Dress skinny? Face it, fellow commuters: you're lucky if I dress clean.

No prob :) Usually people don't use their entire comment as an embedded link, so I can see where you got confused. If you choose "formatting options" on your comment box, you, too, can embed links in red!

I was always a Sindy fan. She kicked Barbie's arse.

Well, you know, this could be a neat tie-in to marketing towards Millennials. Next year could feature "Mom and Dad are still paying my rent" Barbie with Deluxe Basement Playhouse.

The woman's no-nonsense pantsuits scream "I don't have time for your shit." If the chancellor of a notoriously punctual world power makes time for your shit? Be on time for your shit.

Four for you, Angela Merkel. YOU GO ANGELA MERKEL.

I like to pretend that it's one extremely prolific asshole. It makes it easier to go outside.

One of the creepiest parts of this story was after the new broke, the porn site I go to has the most popular searched videos of the day on the front page and the entire thing was Christy Mack. So many people thinking "Hey this woman was almost murdered today, better jerk off to her."

Sorry, dude! Take it up with the bros.

The fact that they think that to suck their dicks somehow would reduce a persons value really says alot about what they think about themselves and their own self worth

Yep it looks like they've officially requested an end to that sort of lewd behaviour.

I will not address the awful comments. I'll move on to something else.

So we're done with blow jobs now, right? Wrap it up, ladies, the bros have spoken.

Also, any guy who enjoys blowjobs and uses "dick-sucking" as an insult is a fucking hypocrite.