You got to put Gwyneth Paltrow and barf together in a headline. You rule!

I KNOW, RIGHT? Everyone threw up after eating her food, blah blah blah, no surprise, but she used tomato sauce from a jar? She is dead to me.

Sure, lawmakers. Go ahead and try to stem the tide of free sexuality and preserve the Sovereignty of Marriage. It worked for King Canute...

My wedding dress was sage and now it's a special colour for me. Of course, being married, I'm OLD and LAME and you wouldn't want me in your sorority anyway....

Where is Sage? WHERE IS SAGE?

You could see she was really pissed when he made her say Patriots. Because, you know, cheaty McCovermouth FlatBall sunza bitches etc

It's simple. You can't take your own food into a restaurant because it could be full of OMG parasites - ebola - who the fuck knows what so sit there and eat their food or go have a picnic. Tsk

Well, that would change things. Maybe he'd end up marrying Ophelia and her dad would be able to give her away.

It is my ambition to be just like that when I'm an old person. Let's face it, I'm pretty much just like that right now.

I did this recently. Once you can see through their manipulative bullshit, it's just hurts to be around them.

The fact that I have very little contact with my mother has nothing to do with punishing her for the shitty things she did in the past and everything to do with protecting myself from the shitty things she might do in the future

Generally people who accuse other people of being narcissists when they find themselves in situations like this... are narcissists. Because narcissists LOVE projecting all their faults on to other people.

You didn't get the memo?

You know what really smooths out your body line under your clothes? A chemise.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA it's funny because Woody Allen hasn't done a pitch meeting in 30 years.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooo cannot see clothes properly

How could she be minstrelling if she is playing a character of her own race?

I pity his date. I hoped she killed him.

Pray for us St Basil Fuckoff, patron of serving staff.

The servers that choke people into unconsciousness don't write to Kitchenette, but like Rambo Chef in David's story, they are LEGENDS.