Should you happen to be possessed of a certain verbal acuity coupled with a relentless hair trigger humor and surface cheer spackling over a chronic melancholia and loneliness— a grotesquely caricatured version of your deepest self which you trot out at the slightest provocation to endearing and glib comic effect,…

My Dad bought a house for our family that had been empty and on the market for two years for pennies (Pennies! Pennies on the Dollar!) because the last family there had all died in a spree killing. But, you know, that was just one unhappy afternoon, right?

I lie awake worrying about my birthday too.

That's exactly right - FEAR of being sued. The companies need to feel the fear and do it anyway, because this is an excellent initiative.

"while it's not possible to confirm that racism is the reason they're called "kaffir limes," there doesn't appear to be an alternative explanation."

Once again Gawker commenters write about their own experience of racism instead of the discussing the issue that is approached in the article. Sigh.

Being a good mother and working for Pepsi has always been a juggling act.

I almost wish that rape carried the death penalty in New Zealand. It doesn't.

Why is diplomatic immunity still a thing? Is it the reason why folks want to be a diplomat?

God bless you and your beloved girlfriend, may she rest in peace.

Calories, how do they work?

Meh. For The Golden Girls, this was a light snack.

Thank GOD it's not just me.

Even twinsets don't have to match everything else.

Speaking of coordinated outfits, she seems way too matchy-matchy to have any real style.

What I deduce from these pictures is that Eva Chen eats nothing but a single piece of fruit every day and pays her staff in doughnuts. Well, that's just plain mean.

Some celebrities are called assholes because they refuse to engage with fans for more than a minute or so. I think I'd rather be that kind of asshole than Virgil.

This is why my parents never left us with a babysitter. Ever.

I'd actually like to try and assemble the 8 piece chicken.

I've been told by a guy to break into his house and then broken into the wrong house. There were people lying around asleep so I very quietly broke myself out again.