It’s what Joshua Justice uses to clean his flying saucer. Obviously.

Harambe never had a better love story than Twilight.

I’ll take “all of the above,” Alex.

What do we think is more likely:

ProTip: If you spill half of something and it looks like you pissed yourself, just dump the other half somewhere that makes it clear you didn’t.

That NYT article is great. It is amazing what parents obsess about.

What is wrong with these people, if I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it 32 times, “HoustonDude, really, size doesn’t matter. It is fine, I promise. It’s kinda cute. Could you hand me my vibrator?”.

I have a girl. I don’t even know what to measure? Her...feet? There is no manual.

The third verse of the national anthem is literally about celebrating murdering slaves. I wouldn’t have known that if Kaepernick hadn’t made his stand.

Well done. Way too articulate for Facebook and just concise enough for the gawker/deadspin demographic. I would only add that it pisses me off when idiots equate patriotism with militarism. They are not the same, and most of this country’s self appointed “patriots” never served a day and are mostly cowards and inked…

Next time, do yourself and everyone favor and don’t say anything. K?

the banner of a nation which declared war

He is the living embodiment of the oversized tie knot and flag lapel pin on every dipshit NFL pundit on ESPN.

It’s his method of action that I take exception to

Gah. Shut up, Jim Harbaugh. Just shut the fuck up. Not everyone on Earth thinks all problems can be solved through overexuberant, say-nothing coach-speak platitudes. Jim Harbaugh is the direct male corollary to the talking Malibu Stacy doll.

Surprised he even answered the question. Kaepernick’s actions have zero relevance to Michigan or their upcoming season. It’s just a reporter trying to add fuel to this ridiculous fire.

Yes, I am agreeing with you and expanding upon your point—powerful wealthy people have relationships with LOTS of other powerful wealthy people.

The Clintons should shut down the Foundation to stop this unbelievably tedious debate. That would be their greatest public service.

If you’re looking for a serious charity to donate too, may I suggest giving money to the Homeless Mime Foundation. Just a few dollars a week can help a poor mime pretend there’s a roof over their head.

I agree. It would be better if they continued their influence peddling in private, where it belongs. No one needs to know who's currying favor from the Clinton's for access. I think favors for access is a solid approach to getting things done and it's a ridiculous that they are being so scrutinized for this.