I have heard that runner ducks, while the most amusing of all barnyard animals, are also the rapiest living creatures on earth (worse than Ole Miss frat boys on San Padre Island).

Nah, its narcissism.

This is why I want to play Pop Warner football again, Pee Wee division. At 6'1" and 230, I figure I could still carry the ball and lurch towards the end zone even if all 11 of the little bastards on the other team are clinging to my legs. It would be awesome.

Starred for "President of a Galactic Federation."

Well, part of her temperature regulation problem could stem from the fact that she never ever appears outdoors unless swaddled from ankle to chin to wrists in heavy upholstery fabric, even on 90-degree plus days. I hope she doesn't sweat, or those outfits would reek by the end of the day.

Is this why she never appears in public unless swathed in layers of heavy upholstery fabric, tapestries, and slipcovers? To hide the outline of the depends?

Where do y'all suppose Obama is going to work after he leaves office? Goldman Sacks? BOA? He has protected them all through thick and thin, now he gets his reward. As Vonnegut said, the rich will take him in and give him a spoon, and then he can sit beside the money river, and ladle money out with his spoon.

He was also an excellent gypsy-catcher.

Trump cannot possibly win this election. He is a preposterous person, it would be like Borat running for president and winning, it cannot happen. Trump cannot win any more than he can run a profitable casino. But Hillary can lose. Oh god can she lose. And the result for this country will be the worst disaster we have…

Fucking freakazoid wore the same shirt everyday for 20 years. Built company that exploits Chinese labor to make shiny toys for obsessed fanboys. Fuck Apple.

That's why they hang game, to tenderize it. I don't like that gamy flavor though.

Ah, okay, that answers it, stupid then.

Why do you hate our heroic men in blue? You must hate them, if you want to take away their right to use reasonable force against un-armed children, insane people, and other grave threats to their lives.

The check is in the mail, I won’t come in your mouth, and I read Infinite Jest. And Finnegan’s Wake; yeah, that’s the ticket, Finnegan's Wake. Interesting similarity in the titles, isn't it?

I have heard that you should not be able to clap in there.

Flag worship and football worship and jock worship are three sides of the same coin. Or something. Fuck it all.

If only the gun-fondlers responsible for this law could gain a hard inch or two, they wouldn't need to compensate by fondling guns.

There was money on the table, they just picked it up. Its very banana-republic-y.

What do they call it, an "oligarchy?" But money is speech, doncha know, its our fault we can't be heard, we suffer the moral failing of being poor.

Yeah, but it wasn't the "Powell Foundation for Employing Powells And the Powell Political Machine." It was, as you say, a variety of charities.