Flag worship and football worship and jock worship are three sides of the same coin. Or something. Fuck it all.

If only the gun-fondlers responsible for this law could gain a hard inch or two, they wouldn't need to compensate by fondling guns.

There was money on the table, they just picked it up. Its very banana-republic-y.

What do they call it, an "oligarchy?" But money is speech, doncha know, its our fault we can't be heard, we suffer the moral failing of being poor.

Yeah, but it wasn't the "Powell Foundation for Employing Powells And the Powell Political Machine." It was, as you say, a variety of charities.

She would have met with them anyway, maybe, but the funniest thing about bribery, is that many people out there think its necessary even when its not, and so, they figure, "I'll go grease the skids with a Foundation donation," and the Clintons just smile and rake it in, and use the foundation to employ their daughter…

Or it could be that I like to make jokes. As for objectivity, the blind Clinton-worship that seems to permeate the atmosphere doesn't leave a lot of room for objectivity for most. Hillary Clinton is the most flawed candidate we have put up in a while, worse than Gore and Kerry, for numerous reasons, one being simple…

Umm, it was more than half of all the private people that she met with during her reign. It was clearly the means to gain her ear, to gain access. She was, therefore, selling her public office. What about people who lack the means to give millions to the Foundation for Graft and Influence Peddling, are they to be shut…

He only states clear facts, refute even one, why don't you. People are influenced by multi-million dollar donations. Its a true fact. They could swear on a stack of bibles they are not, but they are. Chelsea Clinton's career and income, for example, depend entirely on her employment with the Foundation for Graft and…

But, whatever would become of Chelsea? She would be unemployable.

For Drew Magary: A couple of days ago, you said the best possiblebutt-wiping experience would be having a mechanical dog lick the area clean. Don't you think having a Kardashian provide that service would be a better choice than the mechanical dog?

You left out Beatrice's bedazzler.

Don't be such a faggot.

Well I suppose you are not going to see him ice skating, what with the thin ankles and all.

When did "throwing OUT the first pitch," in which the honoree sits in the stands and throws the first ball out to the pitcher, turn into this abomination of "throwing the first pitch?" How can an entire culture just suddenly forget the proper ritual and start doing it wrong, like there was no one left who remembered…

Mr. Magary, every word was perfect, and hilarious, but I have to disagree about the best possible wiping method. If I were a gazillionaire evil tetchy grudgeholding tech sociopath, in between secretly financing lawsuits to put publications that annoy me out of business, I would not have my anus licked clean by a robot…

Holy mackeral, Andy, that should have done tipped them off!

Hence the expression "never go full retard."

Do you think he dyes his pubes and spray-tans his dong, so that he would have that same pumpkin wearing a ginger wig look down below?

This thing here, its only a pimple, right?