Jeeves: lt's Lady Cynthia, sir. Wooster: We thought you were your mother. Cynthia: She's too busy giving Daddy his evening lecture.
— The Purity of the Turf

I think I’m still up overall in my long game of Star Wars avoidance, having sworn it off at age 10 when they introduced little people in teddy bear suits.

I think I like Splash, and maybe .. er .. Christ, he makes Cameron Crowe seem like Takashi Miike by comparison.

He had a series of Special Victims Unit-themed Valentine’s Day cards in his coffee table book that were hilarious.

I have a print of Brandon Bird’s Samurai Orbach, along with Christopher Walken building transformers in his basement. Classics.

Way to bury the lede (that Rip Taylor was elected to the German parliament)

They should go cut-rate on his replacement like they do their relievers and bring in a platoon of Jhonny Peralta and Pablo Sandoval to play shortstop and steal four bases in 3 millennia.

I just wish we had the civility that existed when newspapers started wars in Cuba and there were chants about Presidential candidates’ bastards.

(hears Ultramagnetic MC’s Critical Beatdown) “Is that Freedom Rap, man?” “Yeah, man!” “Well, turn it up, man!”

He should come for whoever dresses him like a member of Fat Albert’s gang.

This was to be a Skyped press conference until the accuser said “you’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.”

Personally, I preferred Frankie Frisch’s terse “Fuck Warren Harding” after the 1922 World Series Champion New York Giants were invited to the White House.

This country is as divided as it’s ever been, excluding all those other years where there was actual Civil War and National Guard troops having to enforce integration decrees and nationwide rioting after the assassination of major public figures and Tories against Rebels and that time they ran in Army tanks to bust up…

It’s a nickname, his full name is Ragarm Gascan Batting Practice Deliverer Bailey, Jr.

If I’m not mistaken, the Reds have players named Scooter, Homer, and Rookie, leading me to believe their director of scouting was a Muppet Babies fan or some shit.

By the time he’s 50 he might rack up another quality start

I love the last three starts: 2.1 IP, 9 runs // 3.2 IP, 8 runs // (three-week break to see if he can rest and recharge while the whole of the AA and AAA pitching staffs wonders about how bad they must be not to get a shot at the rotation) // 4 IP, 6 runs

I think any time Noel makes an inappropriate comment, someone should yell WHO LET RICHMOND OUT OF HIS ROOM

Still a step above Univision Mujeres’ track record.

Time to move on to Phase II of his career: horse procurer.