It overshadowed a great night by the Rangers’ Sam Dyson, who instead of vacuuming away threats from the Red Sox in a hold situation, gave up 4 hits, 5 runs, and 3 walks without retiring a batter. He had to pitch well for about a month to get his ERA under 20, and then under 10, now it’s back up to 12.

Two nearby towns are called Levelland and Plainview, in accordance with Truth-in-Advertising laws.

Webber/Garnett’s genuine enthusiasm is infectious, both Shaq and Chuck act like somebody rudely forced them out of bed and made them record some tired-ass yakking that often isn’t even tangentially related to NBA current events.

“I’ve never understood why people dismiss it.” — In short, one should not seek to erase uncertainty from one’s life-menu. The closer you think you come to understanding, the further away the understanding will actually be. Embrace the uncertainty and variety that comes from a lack of unanimity when it comes to…

Vladi-dadi

“May we suggest polonium?”

Fun fact: Dan Burton is NOT DEAD. Give him notice and he’ll be in DC for the special House investigation with several varieties of ripe melons and gourds for further ballistic simulations. We cannot countenance another wave of Hitlery KKKlintoon*-related murders!

The guy who’s led the league in regular season ERA like four of the past five years, yes. Bumgarner in the playoffs, so long as he doesn’t take a dirt bike off the mound in pregame.

Or board game form. In Climate Change, the game by Parker Brothers, the whole board ends up underwater after several hours of play.

If there was just one game* and I had to select a starting pitcher to give me the best chance to win, it’d be Kershaw.

W & S rarely direct the venom at one another. This is closer to the Haters’ Ball: “Shaq, that new commercial with you and The General is like Afghanistan... bombed out and depleted.” “I’d make you eat those words, Chuck, but it looks like you already did.”

Puig: Yo la tengo!

Ernie Johnson may be a great guy, but the next basketball-related insight he provides will be his first, as opposed to 19485 lead-ins to that clown-fest’s Photoshop Phunnies segment.

I TOO WILL ADJUDICATE THE MERITS FROM THE LIMITED DESCRIPTION PROVIDED ABSENT ANY DISCOVERY

God bless and keep Robin Harris. “Get the fuck out of my way. It’s Miller Time, goddammit. Old moose-head fuckers tell ME what to do.”

They’ve basically turned into the older dudes (Frankie Faison/Robin Harris) fanning themselves in Do The Right Thing. “Motherfucker, you’re thirty cents away from a quarter! How the fuck you gonna buy a boat?”

“Nobody in the East is touching them if Kyrie is shooting like this.” Or not shooting like this, or not shooting at all, or if his Mom and Dad never met. This is the East, the scavangers on a post-Apocalyptic or trashed-out Earth, while the Cavs reside on the Elysium space habitat*

Hopefully he hires a third attorney to file a nuisance/malpratice lawsuit against the first and second attorney and a fourth attorney to file bankruptcy to get relief from the first three’s legal bills. A one-man economic stimulus package (for attorneys!)

He may be dangerously incompetent, stupid, and venal, but God bless him for keeping so many attorneys employed throughout his lifetime, thanks to hundreds of lawsuits being filed against him. Can you imagine a world without lawyers? (Lionel Hutz shudders)

And God bless Michael Conforto’s mother, who I remember from the ‘84 Olympics.