I’m sure it’s as many $5 items you want. Domino’s does the same thing with the same 2-item minimum.

you feel disgusting after eating it, but it’s so satisfying

I wanted to save up for a G20, but the existence of this is making me reconsider leaving BMW alltogether.

I typically just offer them a pat on the head and a brisk belly rub while saying “who’s a good pilot, you are yes you are”, but I guess I can see the appeal of doing it your way too.

i should be at home in bed. i am running a low-grade fever but i’m waiting it out til some of my coworkers come back, because they went to one of my fav lunch places and promised me a croissant. once i get my flaky goodness i’mma bounce.

Simone and Aly Raisman can take over USA gymnastics from these older adults today. That’s the only way it will survive.

I’ll only believe this headline when I find out that this is Simone Biles’ current ringtone:

All they care about, respectively, is the appearance of caring, keeping their jobs, saving his job, and Fornite?

Well, you’re just a peach. That was lovely. 

It’s interesting to me that professional basketball players like Towns and Wiggins can play the sport their entire lives and not realize that defense and effort are part of the deal. Why are they so perplexed? Is it really some big mystery?

That was a gracious reply to being corrected— the kind of reply that I hope will remain fresh in my mind as needed in the future (since I tend to “know” lots of things I don’t know about personally, you know?!)

So then she was still 24 when they got engaged in May. And now that her brain’s finished developing, they’re breaking it off.

Both of their previous relationships were two years long. Those two year long relationships is when they would learn it.

Thank god. Every time he talked about her, it was always to sexualize her. He even joked about switching out her birth control pills with Tic Tacs so she wouldn’t leave him. He was happy to be with the hot chick and she probably thought his creepy, stalker behavior was cute at first. Thank God she woke up.

I know, Piggy! First thing I thought of, too. 

I’m sorry for these young ‘uns. It’s hard enough being in a relationship, but they had to deal with the eyes of the world, rampant gossip and speculation about his mental health (and hers after Mac Miller died), and an inordinate amount of snark and hate towards them.

Just when I thought I couldn’t like Simone more.

Eli.... Eli never changes. 

When Manning was beating Brady in the Superbowl he was a giant-killer, now that he is just a terrible Quarterback he remains a Giant killer.