or condom

God I love that. Beaten only by this:

I’m just gonna take this opportunity to remind everyone to watch “United States of Tara.” So, so good. So much excellent Brie Larson-ing.

I do this every time, but...

Better version:

@Yoko “Now imagine colliding. Picture the cerise majesty that is your life blood streaming in ribbons from your broken noses, covering the undulating golden sheaves in sanguine glory. Exchange insurance information. Ask the plastic surgeon if he can make you nose twinsies. Realize that had you been wearing your…

If there’s one group of people I’m always trying to please with my looks, it’s dudes who troll women’s beauty blogs to talk about their dick-feelings about different women’s hairstyles. I don’t know what it is about those guys, but they just do it for me.

I mean, I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over, I want to know right now, what will it be?

If I could be a nun or religious sister without religion or celibacy, and basically live in a house with a bunch of cool women while making society a better place, I’d totally do it.

My two shelter mutts thank you for your service! <3

Amen.

Portishead FOREVER.

No Benjamin Button jokes? I mean, the kid is even named “Benjamin”...

She is being way too stereotypical English. Public displays of affection? Even an arm around the shoulder? Surely you jest at these overdone, overblown acts! We are English, please. We show affection for each other by being in the same room and only that. Anything more, leave it to the French.

I was on honeymoon with my husband in rural GA and the waitress took one look at his (out-of-state) driver’s license and said “YEAH SURE MCLOVIN”.

I’m pretty sure that he’s an Australian sheepdog who saved a faerie godmother from certain death and when she asked him how she could repay him he said, “Make me a human man.”

After a very long (and very booze-filled) night of camping, my boyfriend and I went to his nearby hometown to pick up our idiot dog his parents had graciously watched. Instead of hopping into the car like she was supposed to, aforementioned idiot dog made a mad dash through town, galloping her way through people’s…