Related to boobies...I am lactating now but I have an IUD and am definitely not pregnant. WHY???

Winter storm Yolo? Bitch I got this. I survived Boston’s winter last year. I fear nothing.

I always though it would be interesting if Playboy went back to its roots - so to speak - and focused on pinup girls and articles from authors like Updike, Nabokov, etc. My old art teacher (a woman) once mentioned that the magazine would publish articles by super feminists. Granted it was the 60’s sexual revolution…

If someone questions my coffee I will refer them to this handbook of eternal wisdom.

I would be super stoked if I could Photoshop myself to look more like Helen Mirren. I would upgrade my iPad just to be able to do this.

I was so depressed this morning that I just lied down on my bed dripping wet after taking a shower. Now this!

I picture the First Daugher choosing which school to attend like the Bachelor giving a rose to his (faux) amour. Applying to college is for the plebs.

I own multiple pairs of Lucky Brand Emmie Flats. I wear them so much (like every day) that I eventually wear holes into them and then immediately go out and buy new ones. Price is good too.

I own multiple pairs of Lucky Brand Emmie Flats. I wear them so much (like every day) that I eventually wear holes…

I would give you all the stars if I could right now for that comment.

Off Topic (but yay votes!) - I always wonder how women eat wearing these things or what happens if you need to blow your nose. I would be a food and snot covered mess.

My caterer gives us a free cake every year for our anniversary and she throws in other baked goodies too. I have considered moving close to her house (because I’m creepy) to be her recipe tester.

“I tried to be as polite as possible.”

Also: I don’t wanna wait! For our lives to be overrr! I actually had a playlist in junior high that was inspired by songs from Dawson’s Creek (I have no shame). Sophie B. Hawkins was also heavily featured.

Anyone else get social anxiety just imagining being in one of these places? College-me would not have been welcomed. Phi Mu (sounds like a Chinese dish IMO) does not look like it accepts Jews anyways.

I hate to say it (really), but maybe 50 Shades of Grey helped in this regard? Maybe? A tiny good thing from a horrendous book series? Am I crazy?

I have conflicting emotions about going to nail salons where there’s no indication the workers are being treated fairly vs. not going and hurting what is probably the meager income that the nail technicians earn. I still go and I tip well (20%, sometimes more).

Poncho Cat’s weather forecast was titled Pumpkin Spice Nah-tay for a reason. I hate pumpkin spice.

I...thought bridesmaids weren’t expected to give gifts? After the dress, hair and makeup, bridal shower, bachelorette party, travel you really expect MORE?!

This is how I Instagram. No food or sunsets. Just sarcasm.

I fucking loved stuffed crust pizza in the 90s. Tha shit was good. Damn lactose intolerance as an adult.