Dear Future Teacher Of My Nonexistent Children,

Those months of house arrest must have been real tough if they only extended a few yards into her mystical fairyland garden.

Why isn’t Beyonce Number 2?!

I pooped the bed on my honeymoon. I was unknowingly served tap water in Istanbul and spent the week with explosive diarrhea (didn’t let it damper my fun though!).

It seems like all the loser sons of politicians come from Republican, conservative, evangelical/super-Christian, pro-life, etc. families. Is this correlation or has anything been published to suggest that this type of upbringing can lead to higher incidents of sexually deviant/maladaptive behavior?

I don’t really read romance novels, but I did stumble upon “On Dublin Street” because it was only a few dollars on Kindle (sorry, no diversity here, unless you count Scottish as diverse). It was actually a pleasant read and perfect for a day at the beach.

I thought Mecca did not welcome non-Muslims at all. Anyone been? I’ve seen videos and it is fascinating and beautiful to watch that many people praying together. Although, as an American Jew, I am sure as fuck staying away from there - and the Middle East in general (India too).

They should have the contraception on hand for when the women are raped by their fellow soldiers.

YOU WILL ALWAYS GET CAUGHT YOU IDIOT.

I know. It’s like “Yay! Save all the disabled animals!” but at the same time, kangaroos are dangerous and can disembowel you and I think a disabled one would probably be better served in some sort of animal sanctuary if it can’t live in the wild.

All cases of sex abuse are equally horrible. It doesn’t matter how many victims there are or who the perpetrator is. The victims suffer.

I am admitting up front that I only did a year of contract law and hated every minute of it.

Dear 2000,

Where’s the backlash against the millionaire republican candidates? I guess it’s only a problem if you’re a democrat and a woman.

Too bad fleece tights weren’t a thing back then - at least in the winter. Problem solved!

BRING IT HOME MY VICTORY DANCE IS READY!

$8,583 Moooi Horse Lamp. I NEED it.

I forgot that the Internet existed and thought that I was protecting my friend’s identity. I just finished my law school exams my works is not braining.

My mom liked this song when it came out but she only heard the radio version and was shocked when she found out what the real lyrics were. It was so awkward to hear her singing along to it.

OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THE INTERNET. Oh well....