“People say I talk about spumoni too much and that I’m condescending. (Spumoni is italian ice cream and condescending means I talk down to others.)” - John Kasich

I don’t like bossy Yoko.

If you can fit it in your purse you're golden.

I wouldn’t complain. Whatever makes you happy.

Of course not.

The whole piece made no sense to me. Especially that assumption at the end. . . . .1) trauma roles are being rewarded and 2) that’s a bad thing? And how does that have anything to do with Jennifer Lawrence? And why compare these two particular actresses? What?

When I’m eating delivered pizza, as a I take a slice I flip it over and touch it to the cardboard then flip it again to cheese side up and put it on my plate.

Right? Grow old gracefully. T (minor persistent back) Pain

- the pope

Can’t wait for the ‘Comfortably Distant Side Hug’ pants and the ‘Handshake-no-wait-hug-oh-god-handshake-now-it’s-too-late-let’s-just-lean-towards-each-other-and-shoulder-hug’ Pants.

Seriously. Once when my cousin was around 9 years old he was in the car with our grandmother and she fell asleep at the wheel. He had the presence of mind to steer the car into a ditch on the side of the road and fortunately no one was hurt. She stopped driving pretty soon after.

My local dispensary was giving out free jolly ranchers and I was like “Oh, it’s a jolly rancher, nbd!” I took it and in the two blocks it took me to walk home, I completely lost my fucking mind. My friends were at my house because we were cooking dinner together and I could not. fucking. move. They put me on the couch…

I’m only a very drunk person who though it a good idea to Jezebel before bed.

Cool. Mysterious. Maybe even a little dangerous? The only fashion accessory anyone should ever need.

I am nothing if not careful and elaborate. Everyone says so.

Plenty of musical artists choose to not appear in their videos, wear masks, skulk away in mansions in England for 12 years, whatever. I don’t care.