The fanciest bitch in my life is my recently gloriously divorced sister. I’m going to buy her a Hitachi Magic Wand and a bottle of champagne.

Came here to ask the same thing.

You are me. I love both those songs to the moon and I’m going to listen to them RIGHT NOW.

Jason Momoa features heavily in my oft-entertained celebrity gangbang fantasy, so this is great news!

Well, Ronda got kicked in the neck hard enough to knock her out. I am the casuals of UFC-watchers, but wouldn’t a trip to the hospital be par for the course when you get beat bloody then knocked out like that?

I can’t even answer this question there are too many times I embarrassed myself crying that even reading the headline freaked me out.

Tonight I’m making andouille sausage and white bean soup with a smoked trout and goat cheese flatbread pizza. I think it’s gun be good.

Unprotected anal with strangers.

I want this, too. Except I also want to have sex with them!

Gross.

Is it uncouth to bring your Hitachi Magic Wand to a one-night stand?

I can’t watch this. But I’m imagining it and even that is pretty chilling.

fancy sauce

lentil and radish stew with italian sausage

If you replaced the Beetlejuice pants in this ensemble with some solid-colored, longer flares, this outfit would be solid. That’s the closest thing to a compliment I can muster for these selections. Nice work.

This is probably just a scene from a forthcoming Judd Apatow movie featuring Leslie Mann as a high-strung racist.

Simmer down, Leslie Mann.

Love his sweater.

She’s riding the bigot train to Payout Mountain.

I was in a McDonald’s yesterday morning and when I walked out of the bathroom there was a staff meeting going on and I thought I heard the phrase “when we start all-day breakfast” but I shook it off as an impossible waking dream.