“We want fish sticks!”

I like in my mom’s basement. You got a problem with that? It has it’s own bathroom and everything.

Hey everyone, found the guy who was watching porn on his laptop three rows up on your last flight.

Shit, I miss the good old days when I jerked off to a Hustler I kept hidden in the bottom of my sock drawer. Only person I had to worry about finding out was my mom.

You obviously don’t have pets. In my house, that cheese would be gone before I returned to the kitchen with the broom.

Last night my three year old son, without prompting of any sort, turned to my six-year old son (who was just sitting on the couch doing literally nothing) and said, calmly and collected, “You’re disgusting.” He then just turned around and walked away. God, siblings are so mean to each other.

Look at John D. Rockefeller over here bragging about his bottles.

Look, Giant guys like Walton need their bikes to be Specialized.

What a long strange Trek it’s been.

This will be super helpful for him if he ever ends up on the A’s.

If Dallas didn’t want any action, why were they dressed to play ball?

Was that picture made by holding your TV against the copier?

I think think Wall and Beal would both play better if Ted Leonsis had a better lease deal on the Verizon Center!

“We’re gonna hit the brakes and he’ll fly right by.”

“Pffftt! Try catching a catfish.”

It’s a good thing he could fill in. Usually Travis Henry takes these gigs, but he could only find eight babysitters

“Uh...okay, what you’re seeing now isn’t technically bullying, but they do seem to be ganging up on her...”

I hope this doesnt mean hes not sending my money.

Are Cynthia and Mary Ackerman in Hawai’i again?

Jesus Walter.