I have an 8 year old that I routinely lock out of the router so she can’t watch shit-ass YouTube videos on her laptop.

“I can’t get to the Internet!”
“Yeah, I locked you out for being a dick.”
“Dad-DEEEE!”
“Eat shit, pumpkin. This is a House of Laws.”

I really hope this award doesn’t go to his head and cause him to become a huge egomaniac.

Baseball is the only sport that actually looks like America.

Such a ridiculous double standard when it comes to catching your spouse masturbating. The few times I’ve caught my wife or found out about it later I’m like “Hey now, that’s hot...want some company?” But whenever she catches me it’s all “Gross! What’s wrong with you? At least wait until the funeral is over!”

If Utah had won, they planned on celebrating by passing around a large Starbucks coffee and letting each player have one tiny sip, Prophet be praised.

Gaymens Ka’oir, Keyshia’s father, was very excited about the news and couldn’t have been happier for the couple when he was reached for comment.

My buddy Kyle, his dad was a judge, and we were playing touch football in the street when we were six or seven, maybe ten, and my other friend Mike was quarterback and he was like “Go deep, way deep” and Kyle ran for, I dunno, had to be seven or eight seconds, just forever,and I was covering him and by then we were…

I haven’t seen an NHL player’s parents this excited about him making it big since Jack Johnson made his debut.

Do you think it would help if he Branched out his skill set to include pass protection and catching?

Clear travel. His right foot shuffles back before putting the ball on the floor. Next time spend less time typing nonsense and more time watching the actual video.

Nah. He clearly picks up his R foot before dribbling at 18s in the above video.

Take care of the gumbo! Go to the Roux, Start Celery, Onions Garlic! Bouillon! (players: Bouillon!) *coach raises right arm* GREEN BELL PEPPERS! Medium-low heat, sausage, simmer ONE TWO THREE!

Paterno probably could have avoided the injury had he not been too busy looking the other way.

Latino male here, live in Canada...your country is a fucking disaster on so many fucking levels. Sort it out you god damned yanks. For fuck’s sake

You could take an eye out with those things!

Kate’s improper use of “your” has forever killed my boner for her.

So...did they score off of that or something?

Seriously, these people are so dumb. I’m tempted to just get in my spaceship and go to outer space and do my ninja training there instead, just to get away from these freaking liars on the internet.

I deserve this burn and it is a good burn.