And Skynet will also have better rap skills.

Your husband is my long-lost twin. I've been saying that for years, and everyone thinks I'm crazy.

Worst: My parents have been divorced since before I was born, but randomly in my childhood my dad would want visitation (he lived, at times, between 1-8 hours away). One year the day after Christmas he brought me with him and his wife and my half-siblings to his sister's house. Everyone was given incredibly…

If only Etsy had been around then, you could have made big bucks from those Korean ghost sweatshirts.

Worst: my boyfriend at the time gave me a framed and autographed head shot of himself. It would have been funny if he hadn't actually been an aspiring actor, but he was. He managed to score a small speaking part in a movie that was filmed in our midwestern city, and then we went to the cast and crew premiere and his…

last time I went bowling I kept yelling "granny shot!" every time I bowled one through my legs. Did not heed the dissenters who insisted Granny shots were only in basketball. Also, "from downtown!" Perfectly applicable. *

Totally. I mean he said this: "We cannot have a society in which some dictator someplace can start imposing censorship here in the United States." Some dictator someplace. I absolutely love that Obama is describing the Supreme Leader of the People's Democratic Republic of North Korea as 'some dictator someplace.'…

I mean I totally could hire you. Senior Dongs Correspondent. You could a weekly dong news wrap-up and maybe some dong-related recipes or something.

Yeah I feel sad even fixing it. Dong Arts and Crafts is going to be the name of my new Lifestyle Blog.

"dong arts and crafts" is my fave typo of the day.

I know this is kind of perverse, but I always wanted to know where all the wizard adolescents getting high on crazy wizard drugs were. Teen wizards would have some killer drugs, wouldn't they? And given the UK's relatively high teen pregnancy rate, shouldn't there have been a lot of knocked-up witches wandering…

I SHIP IT

Deamus is real! It's a Christmas miracle!

I don't know which is worse, the unrepentant killer or the man who insists to the end that he meant well.

i need a goddamn vodka.

lol yes god bless the future of every single person who reads this and immediately ricochets into "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME"

I figured she put Ron and Hermione together because she hated chemistry.

How much longer can Kate keep it a secret that Louie Anderson is the real father?