Drug tests are 99% socially accepted employee terrorism. Unless you work with heavy equipment, who gives a shit?

Same. Women after to worry about rape, sexual harassment, domestic violence, catcalling, discrimination at work, access to BC and abortion care, etc. etc. But some manfeels are hurt. DROP EVERYTHING!!! MANFEELS ALERT!!!

Right? Assholes complaining about a paper cut when we got an infected bullet wound.

I have a huge ass, and I fricking move. But I'm half Russian so, you know, shit ain't gonna steal itself.

CRAIGSLIST INCEPTION. "CRAIGSCEPTION."

Or maybe pairing it with an authentic "paleo" emergency first-aid kit? Bottled saliva and leaves to rub on your wound?

Six years ago my then 3 year old son saw the Santa version of the snowman pan in the catalog and asked me to get it. I did because I was 7 months pregnant and felt guilty about this being his last Christmas without a sibling. WORST DECISION. First, the fancy ass decorations in the catalog were done with fruit…

Drew! How did you miss THIS http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/delbe… people love paleo! lets give them a knife with no handle so they can butcher themselves like real cavemen!

Imma make so much lo mein in a bit. Whatchoo all cooking?

Separate bedsheets/duvets are the secret to a happy marriage/co-habitation. Trust.

Sorry, this is a really big pet peeve of mine and I can't resist the urge to contest it when I see it. They did not change names at Ellis Island. Names were either changed prior to the voyage or afterwards when they left the island. This was usually done by the immigrants themselves who wanted to anglicize their names…

I doubt if you went twenty or even ten generations back my family even had surnames. Unless "the tailor" and "wife of the butcher's apprentice" count as surnames. (Yes, all my knowledge of shtetl life comes from Isaac Bashevis Singer stories and Fiddler on the Roof. Deal with it.)

My husband and I had a fully laid out plan to walk down the aisle to our friend's violin version of Akinyele's "Put it in Your Mouth" when our friend came down with the flu a few days before and couldn't make it. We were thinking of asking another friend to do it on the sax, but were so frazzled at the time we just…

I am getting dance lessons with my partner (lots of them) before my wedding or refusing to get married at all... this has been a known fact in our relationship since like the 2nd month of dating. Because all the teen movies with coordinated fabulous prom dances have apparently given me a fantasy that need to be lived…

Our first dance is going to be to Death Cab For Cutie's "I will follow you into the dark." My friends all thing that's morbid as fuck but that's our song so whatever.

This guy is gonna love being dead.

I'm hopping on the NOPE train to Fuck-That-Ville.

On behalf of myself and other native Floridiots, we are ashamed that this did not happen here and offer an abject apology for confusing America. We even have more than one "Booby Trap" for an ambulance joyrider to get to. Let's go Florida! We have a reputation to uphold.

Jose Mourihno gif = my undying admiration. Thank you for making me smile on an otherwise gloomy ass day!