My SO missed that scene and when he came back and asked what happened, I said "That cop sexually assaulted Beth with a lollipop" which was apparently so preposterous a claim he had to REWIND IT to watch it and I almost threw up the roast chicken we'd just eaten for dinner.

I have never gotten stitches but watching that lady backhand Beth twice over her stitches made me wince. ROOF STOOF.

Whoa, totally different! Thank you for sharing!

That knotty pine gif is basically my response to anything and everything I want gone. Kale salad instead of fried chicken? KNOTTY PINE!? Best Friend moving to London? KNOTTY PINE!? Dog farts, looks questioningly at his own butt and then at me like I did it? KNOTTY PINE!?

I agree, but she is quite pretty, and the wardrobe department is clearly having fun.

Space vampires, please and thank you. A cult would tie in nicely with that.

Twisty and the Illustrated Seal both broke my heart. Something about being hpyeraware/completely unaware of how your situation in life will never change because of others' ignorance... really walloped me. Both sides are awful, there is no winning when there is fear and hate in the world.

It's cool, one of my HS nicknames was Cuntolyn. Partners in crime: Elizabitch, Whore-ther (Heather). I'm kind of glad my kid will never know what a promiscuous stoner-nerd I was.

My first year was pretty awesome, actually. It wasn't until year 4 or so that shits gotten really real — death of a parent, being a PT home manager for my terribly aging grandparents, a brother in law that has basically checked out of the family and does not know his mom is quite ill. Oh, and trying to family plan…

I had a few move-the-goal-post issues, where stuff that was previously deemed not important (I have a lot of male friends) suddenly were super important (this makes husband uncomfortable when I hang out with them late at night while he's at work). We are still working through this. I try to remember that its TEAM US…

HO.LY. SHIT.

I try to do that. I get it on my back or on my side. Cutting out coffee after 3 pm has helped, too.

My partner happens to be a dude. I never said he was big or strong. I never said he would fight off the intruder in the middle of the night with some kind of display of his penis or some shit. I'm only saying I *feel* (not I *am*) more secure when I go to sleep knowing he's there. Also, you apparently missed the…

Yeah, I cannot tell you how many sweaty panicked minutes I've spent squinting into darkness, unable to move, telling myself no one is there. This was terrifying to read.

As someone who has a dude, not a weapon, but that dude works overnight quite frequently, this SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

No, Theresa no words good all time! ALL TIME! ::pounds fists on table::

god I love my ricer. I also use it to squeeze liquid from frozen spinach, shredded potatoes, zucchini, etc.

the freezable bowl also makes an excellent champagne chiller.

::slow clap::

This is one of my favorite things ever in the history of ever. I could eat tartare aller-retour every day and still want more. The place down the street from me serves it with frites truffe(!!!) and that, plus their amazing oysters, is probably why my iron levels are so fucking awesome.