"I'm…splurging [while] touch[ing] Chris Hemsworth's arms."
- cigarette

Just curious: who is the angriest person on the AV Club that you have blocked?

Today I went to Ikea and bought a new criticism for my desk lamp…

The night Alien Jesus drove Bill Bixby down…

The one involving a shaved tennis ball, a gallon of anti-freeze, and Boz Scaggs' first album is especially nasty…

It blows. All it is is stage after stage of some big ape throwing barrels at you. And then when you get close enough to stop him, he picks up your girlfriend and leaves.

That's why Ian Mackaye won't let his friends and family mosh during his backyard barbecues…

That's what happens when oil rigs are manned by Doozers…

Not if the jury selection takes place at a UFC event…

I like when he shows tits!

That's right. I actually forgot that he was the original Bob Cobb…

He couldn't take this 4/4 shit…

Oh, I was hoping they "Mustained" him…

FUN FACT: one of Canada's most respected poets, B.P. Nichol, wrote for Fraggle Rock…

His uncle, Bob, invented the Cobb salad…

Whatchu looking at Sonic's balls for?

I don't even own a Hitler!

Purdum's next edition of "Great Job, Internet!" will explain that "Miguel Sanchez" is a reference to….

“Ah, foul ball! Ah, you almost had that! I bet you feel like a big piece of shit, don’t you?”

Topeka's best Duran Duran cover band?