If this is anyone but Dennis Leary, you're stealing my bit!

Each more ridiculous than the next!

In Soviet Russia, Leonard Pierce cashed his check on the day he received it…

Iarah Ressica Arker…

It's like when I buy a pack of smokes with a warning that says "This product is harmful to children." Well thank christ I'm not a child (biologically speaking)!

I told him not to vaccinate her! But no, he wouldn't listen!

I think you meant to write "pass out"…

I'm gonna hold out for a new Intellivision console…

Easily my least favorite episode of Workaholics…

She was the fucking worst…

Coolidge deserves props for inspiring a great SCTV joke…

The only exception is when FDR lost Nebraska down the back of his couch at the end of his first term…

Sorry, but you're mistaken. Chris Christie was the last politician to eat an entire jar of chives while in office…

"I love his genuflection policy, but I hate his kneeling before Zod policy!"

NOTE: Lester was his "helper"…

His message wasn't expressed very clearly though. In hindsight, "Let's Fuck the Border States!" wasn't exactly the best slogan to use…

Or Joseph Gurney's rifle!

Another fun fact: John Tyler invented ventriloquism. He used to tour across the land under the banner "John Tyler and Lester"…

The guy who won the White House fine China?

Buchanan is definitely worse than Pierce.