No one would ever brag about going to Stanford. Their air conditioner repair program is terrible. Not Cornell terrible, but pretty darn close…

Type 2 diabetes will claim him before it's all over. Those Big Gulps will be the death of him…

Yeah, but Flavor Flav would sue your estate for copyright violation…

If you really want to piss him off, call him Uncle Blackie…

I mean, nowadays literacy and creativity are pretty much dead ends…

Didn't Jack Donaghy say something about never trusting the musical tastes of anyone who ran cross country?

Allman Brothers: Emo

And then when you're arrested and imprisoned, the authorities take away your choice of clothing, so it all works out anyway…

The choice is clear:

Not if I have something to say about it!

Unless you mean "join" in the human centipede sense…

Have you ever thought of just steering your kid away from literacy and creativity?

Don't forget "hair of the dog." Apparently, single people have to choose between people with bad fashion sense and alcoholics. Tough call…

Beat you to the punch, Sylvester P. Smythe!

Upvote me! Upvote me! I porked your mom too!

"He's not going to pork her, Rusty. Just eat, okay?"

Counterpoint: Best. Golden Corral. Ever.

That little dude from Aqua Teen!

I did a Sunset Flip when I saw …All the Marbles being discussed.

They're not called flip-flops up here. They're called foot sandwiches…