Every photo I've seen makes him look like the world's douchiest magician. He ain't making anyone his bitch…

In which case, the appropriate response is: "The entire decade"…

Fuck Conrad Janis! Bonar Bain will do it for free!

Garth Brooks, for one…

And whither Steve Miller?

Someone's talking about you in the thread below this one…

But the old wallpaper is also cursed!

No, but I do remember how he got away after the Batmobile lost its wheels…

3) Soul-crushing boredom…

**bites own fist in a comical fashion**

All you'd have to do to vanquish Chuck is throw an iPod at him and wait for him to shit his pants and pass out…

She's the Sheriff…

He put me off Sears ponchos forever…

He's going to win your trust over the coming days and months.

Or a chorus, really. It's just one massive verse…

Hey, everyone! Check out this guy who's touching this one!

You're lying.

Dodged a bullet there…

I seem to recall hearing stories about him physically assaulting employees…

I, er, uh…am the, er, uh…Colonel…