Given the fact that the US has the highest incarceration rates in the developed world (by a hefty margin), I think it's safe to assume that half the people in the auditorium were probably "fresh out of jail"…

I heard you once quit a job in a less than graceful manner….

LARRY!

Don't thank him. Thank zinc…

Weird and wild stuff…

Paging Johnny LaRue!

Paging General Sherman!

Can you blame them? It's FUCKING BORING…

That sketch features my favorite line ever: [just before taking a sip of beer] "You humorless sons a whores."

To the hydrofoil!

Whom? WHOM? Well la-dee-da! I guess "thems" just isn't good enough for Mr. Fancypants over here!

The Angel Summoner is holding out for more cash…

Thanks Obama!

I am of the opinion that Beverly D'Angelo was at one point one of the most beautiful women in the world…

I'd like to see Robert Mugabe host it next year….

No, his name is Kimmel, Jimmy…

Honestly surprised that he was still alive…

The only thing more gross than a nice greasy sandwich served in a dirty ashtray is fish heads, fish heads, roly-poly fish heads. Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, yum…

"He's dead tired [of my cock]…"

You've taken the ding-ding game to strange, new places…