Not sure about the California law but since she’s turned 18 does she get to choose her own pimp or does her mom continue in that role?

The light of Carl Sagan and his incredible advancement of knowledge through science and appreciation of the mysteries of the universe outshines all the popes, preachers, mullahs, saviors, gods, and creationists.

McAfee’s trusted advisor, Schlitze Surtees, says that John “is one of us.”

Received a Chromecast as a gift. Used it two days. Replaced with Roku Streaming Stick. Poor Chromecast sits in the corner and cries for its Kinja mother who doesn’t send money or even a fucking birthday card.

Received a Chromecast as a gift. Used it two days. Replaced with Roku Streaming Stick. Poor Chromecast sits in the…

“I am a brown-skinned poet who gave a better chance to another supposed brown-skinned poet because of our brownness.”

These signs brought to you by "The Tiny Nuts and Huge Vaginas of Boston" fan club.

For all her abilities for acting, Ms. Bulloch doesn't have shit for brains when it comes to men. Her relationships always seem desperate as though this turd will smell sweet this time.

God said, “Go fucketh thyself, Justin, and throweth thyself off the dung-heap of your self-righteousness, you smarmy little prick.”

“Hey! Don’t look at Kim Davis — look at ME! Look at ME! I’m the persecuted one here. You have any idea how long it took Josh Duggar to nail me? So don’t look at Kim — LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Woman : “The dolphin ate my baby!”

Sportsmanship in Texas football is like a Texas 8th-grade virgin cheerleader. Sounds good in theory but just isn't happening.

My passion is to drop cyanide into people’s drinks that ask about passion, Whole Foods, any Kardashian, Jenner, Swift, or Cyrus, mentions they’re a foodie, constantly checks their fitness bracelet and announces their findings, screeches about running, talks about their kids more than two minutes, asks me if I’ve…

Ever wonder what if the ref pulled out his Colt .45 and started shooting those players?

“As some of you on here may know, I live with agoraphobia.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the new spokesman for Subway, Phoenix Sundown.

Do wasps wear pantyhose over their fake genitalia and live in such luxurious surroundings?

“On Feb. 2, 2013, Amazon began blocking sales of cyanide products, the suit says.”

Rachel Dolezal has filed suit claiming this is her baby and that she is the egg donor, sperm donor, and sister of Malcolm Y.

“Everything is safe now. I’ve been living in St. George, Utah for 60 years and as you can see I’m the picture of health. So move back, people. You can always trust your government and authorities.”

“So your telling me the tuna that came out is because you went fishing two years ago in Australia? Here’s some antibiotics and a six-pack of Odor-Eaters."