In addition to his own locker and jersey, he'll soon be receiving a letter from the NCAA declaring him ineligible for accepting impermissible gifts and signing a professional contract. Their investigation into grade inflation at his high school will be inconclusive, but the rumors that his teachers raised his grades…

You mean to tell me that abortion, gay marriage, and the threat of terrorist attack aren't the most critical issues of our time, and that politicians use these to distract us while they get away with robbing us blind to give money to their cronies and brushing aside the constitution when it becomes inconvenient? You…

So Republicans have Cadbury Creme Eggs while Democrats have Mounds. Get your shit together Democrats, this is embarrassing.

Oh my God, he's so fucking wrong on this. Doesn't he realize that poor unmarried women have absolutely no control over how many children they continue to have? These women clearly don't understand that getting pregnant is the result of sex, and even if they did, it isn't like these women are capable of purchasing…

So now I'm supposed to give my wife jewelry at birth of our child. Add that to the jewelry I buy her every Christmas, birthday, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, as well as the jewelry each of my children "buys" for their mother with their jar of spare change for each of these occasions and she's going to have…