He fixed all this with one single tweet, he’s so tremendously efficient !

Paul Ryan is such a spineless weasel. I can’t believe that people like him and Mitch McConnell are supposed to be keeping Donald in check.

I can see you

What can I say? I can’t resist a golden opportunity.

Your headlines are showering us in puns.

You know, I’ve looked and I’ve looked and I just can’t see anywhere in my comment where I said a single fucking thing about Hillary Clinton.

As the residents of Trumpistan are so fond of saying, she lost. Get over it. Focus on the short-fingered piss golem we’ve got to deal with now.

Trump: You know, Luke was a terrible Jedi. That’s true. He didn’t complete his training with Yoda and got his hand chopped off by his dad. Sad. I’d never get my hand chopped off, and that has nothing to do with the size of my hands. My hands are actually huge. They’re luxurious. They’re the best hands.

Dear Berniebros*:

He is stupid. Literally he is very very stupid. That is why.

The fact that The Donald has a mistress isn’t exactly a secret.

Thank goodness he knows about the cyber though. Otherwise we’d be in real trouble.

Especially with Trump having repeatedly slept with other women while being married.

Fuck off with this shit, please.

Perhaps when we humans kill ourselves off, a better species will take over. My money is on penguins