I’m calling dibs on “Raptured to South Dakota” as a song name.

Well shit, everybody. The police believed the victim, HE GODDAMN ADMITTED IT, and the jury still won’t convict.

It’s scumbags like this who reinforce my thought that we need a new plague.

I mean, sure, I guess, but they don’t even look cool. They look like something a middle-aged man wears to try to look hip.

They’re gonna be back. They have the talent and now they have the experience.

JESUS CHRIST, THAT BEND.

The Aussies got the revenge: They won, 3-2.

To the lawyers on Deadspin:

Wrong skin color. At least for the U.S. Congress. [r/sarcasm]

Obligatory for the Supreme Committee: http://deadspin.com/the-organizers-of-the-qatar-world-cup-are-very-mad-at-u-1550619295

This can be cross-applied for most members of the Trump Administration.

“Offensive Touching” is a hilarious misdemeanor title.

My wish is that they melt it down and leave a hole where the statue was.