I hate alcohol, so I'll take your word for it.

Once a month?

Pizza with anything that isn't soda is a fucking abomination.

My brother was born on Thanksgiving (the 28th to be exact), so he sympathizes!

I will concede that your state fair is a great state fair.

I know I need to quit (or at least cut down), but I don't smoke, do drugs, or drink alcohol, so I allow myself this one vice.

Please, I can get 44 ounces for a dollar in this town.

Fuck you Iowa.

At least 12?

Sometimes my brother and I go to the movies.

You know (and I think I've said this before), I think Katherine Heigl deserves a comeback.

What's your favorite flavor?!

Republicans trying to get rid of Obama's stuff always reminds me of this bit from Hamilton-

Ummmm… fuck, I don't know. Sitting around not doing shit.

I fucking love Cool Ranch Doritos, so I'm eagerly awaiting the day John Oliver insults them on television, like he has done for Domino's Pizza, Quizno's and Mountain Dew Code Red before.

Are we sure that Final Jeopardy wasn't supposed to be on the Teen Tournament instead?

Happy Turkey Day, Debate Club boys and girls! Speaking of turkey, let' talk about food.

Hairpsray the musical, especially the ending.

Alright, fine, we'll give him a modicum of respect if some good can come out of it.

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