Ugh. Even being a “bullshit artist” requires some artistry. Boring.

I’ve always said my dog eats like a pig. Turns out he’s been a hippo eater all this time.

This girl needs to get out of Hollywood and get to Washington. She is going places.

My husband and I go to IKEA even if we don’t have anything to buy cause we both just love that place. Maybe the problem is when one member of the couple doesn’t want to be there. Also, the both of us have volunteered to put other people’s furniture together for them. Give me a BILLY bookcase in a box and I am a happy…

tone, content and spirit

Ugh, freezer burn. Fresh embryos only, please.

Yeah, thanks for that. I can barely see straight with the blood pumping behind my eyes.

How a lot of the 300 richest people made their money- they inherited it from relatives who made it off the hard work of others.

Whelp, I’m off to the hairdresser to get the hot new ‘receding hairline’ do. Just need some baggy khakis and a golf shirt and the world will be my oyster!

calling the protestors “thugs,”

I’ve got rusty nails in my two-by-four. I feel it gives it a certain je ne sais quoi.

Yeah, but you can buy Kraft mac and cheese at the dollar store.

His head does have a potato-like quality, but does anyone see ‘cartoon mouse’ when they look at him?

God, she is just the best. Charles is going to completely fuck everything up.

Geez, so those of us without iPhones just have to go sit in the corner while everyone else has fun. I hate that stupid phone.

Julianne Moore’s husband is a hot hunk of man meat.

Maggie sure, but Peter gives me the creeps. He seems like the kind of dude that just kills the conversation dead at a dinner party by saying something weird and off topic, and then just sitting there.

Yeah, I just noticed the Deadspin logo has changed. Well spotted!

Please. Irish accent? No brainer.

Sorry to be that person, but Amal is scary skinny.