As a Lizard Person, Fiorina presumably has a cloaca.

Allahu Bikerbar?

those babies look like little glowworms omggg

Off topic, but we need more Carol Burnett gifs on this site.

Perhaps some day, we will advance far enough as a people where we all see religion as silly and harmful. However, I am not going to hold it against people who are culturally tied to their beliefs and traditions to move towards fair treatment, progress, and perhaps a different interpretation of their scripture. That,…

not to mention celery, which is one of the world’s worst vegetables

I kept thinking about the New Yorker’s profile of Lanza’s father while writing this: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/…

No, beef ribs are beef ribs. See for example:

People who stole bar mats were my favorite people when I used to bartend. Either they were trying so hard to be sneaky that I felt bad for them or they were so drunk they just could not be bothered to give a fuck. I loved them all.

He f’d his presidential campaign up running with Palin. She terrified the in-betweeners. I always swayed left but I don’t hate McCain and he is certainly not the worst candidate the Republicans have put forth over the past 30 years. While I don’t always agree with him, I don’t think he would have been a horrible…

I am realizing I’m probably someone else’s abjectly terrible restaurant employee story.

Is he saying his 9/11 cakes were an inside job?

• What’s funny is that I’ve never quite figured out who Blac Chyna is.

Holy shit. The exclamation mark makes it extra horrifying.

It’s a shame Maria Tallchief died (first American prima ballerina, as well as first Native American prima ballerina), I imagine they’d have a lot to talk about.

I had this happen when I volunteered at my daughter’s school for picture day. I was no-makeup, hair in a bun, baggy sweatshirt, and 33 goddamn years old. A teacher came up to me and said “Whose class are you in, sweetie?”

So good to hear from you! Let’s invent subscription beauty box services real quick and then get home.

I sea you