Why did I think they’d already gotten divorced?

The last thing running through his head was probably a concrete floor.

Her attorney, Jonathan D Christman

She’s so great.

So because there’s only one word for love, there must only be one kind of love? He must really be confused why the sky and the ocean are different colors.

Some of the best bits of college was getting to do and learn and experience all sorts of things I hadn’t gotten to do, or had the experience to understand, or had even thought about before. It was AWESOME.

You are not alone. I am also in the Husband-Does-Random-Chores club. I don’t think he realizes it at all, but it’s still awkward to be like, “Honey, do you think you could stop caulking the shower and maybe just vaccum the living room before your parents arrive for dinner?”

The worst. There was this one song called Mother Trucker that she hummed all the time. She hummed it like it was a gospel song, she even closed her eyes while doing it sometimes. God I hated that woman. I bet she tells people that I’m her black friend so she can’t be racist.

Oh, salad! I love you most of all.

i love you and this movie

It’s a great night for schadenfreude.

Oh, poor thing. How will she ever live on her trust fund and earnings from being pretty, thin, and from a rich family?

YOUR REAL MOTHER LEFT YOU IN A HOTEL SAFE

You can’t put them in hotel safes, you can’t hang their cradle from the bough of a tree....I mean WHAT IS LEFT?!!?

If it makes you feel any better, I’m allergic to Allegra. Yes, the allergy medicine. Isn’t that the dumbest shit ever? It doesn’t even make sense but here we are.

We all have pink cheeks and warm blankets.

The other day, I saw her book in a bookstore and moved it back to the fiction section.

I bought a pumpkin cheesecake cookie on my way home tonight and I am already starting to think about my turtleneck sweaters. I am a tried and true member of the cult of autumn. Caramel coloring or no caramel coloring I am a sheep and will consume all of your fake fall goods.

Huh. I drink day-old coffee that’s been sitting in my French press overnight on my kitchen counter. It’s fine.

I had this happen to me, but with Norplant, in 1991. Doctor put it in wrong — as in 10 days past when he was supposed to implant it. Told us to go ahead 24 hours later and so we did. Called the office every month concerned about my lack of period — no weight gain or symptoms. Doctor assured me for three months that I…