If I knew the answer to that, I could probably be promoted from internet troll to political prisoner.

the only reason he thinks he can get away with it is literally every single experience he’s ever had.

Neither - shoveling Cracker Jack into his soup cooler.

I’m mesmerized by the guy in the front row. Horrified or yawning?

KD is just checking out the secret back hallways of every stadium so when he goes to LA next season he’ll know where Chris Paul is invading from. That’s just smart leadership.

“You up?” -Jameis Winston

Just means Steph’s gotta be more shellfish and take 30 shots.

I don’t see myself in the short list of dad’s offered in the article, but this:

My dad isn’t in any of these categories, but that’s not because of the list.

He deleted the tweet? Wow, someone must have given him a sternum talking-to.

High five, fellow old person!

“That’s no a didgeridoo, this is a didgeridoo!”

Do the vinegar strokes!

Again, as in my response to the above, my comment was meant as a joke.

‘In mother Russia, Capitalism something something something you!’

Yes.

I don’t know, I always pictured Batman as being super pale since he spends so much of his awake time stalking the streets of Gotham at night or lurking around in his cave playing with new Batman accessories and making the occasional trade to keep his celebrated wealth up.

A flawlessly executed double-tap.

For Jolly Ranchers - real fans have long ago taken this candy and deposited it in a cheap vodka making wonderfully flavored and brightly colored vodka. Watermellon, Green apple and Cherry are personal favorites and help punch up a mixed drink. 

Madness. Utter, shrieking madness. If anything, they need more toffee.