This should be the cover letter to your resume.

Yo were you my high school science teacher? This is the line for line the same excuse he gave us when he showed up at a house party after being fired for having sex with a student. It was bullshit in 1995 and it’s bullshit now.  Fuck your excuses.

In 21 states, cheating in a marriage is against the law, punishable by a fine or even jail time. So I mean kinda carved in stone.

“The glorious miracle of life. But, FYI, the miracle of life involves cleaning up a bunch of shit and vom.” Your kid didn’t already prove this? Lucky....

While not scientific I don’t believe I have ever seen anyone take their shirt off to fight and win said fight. So called scientists will point to the fact that plenty of boxers win without shirts, but they don’t tell you that their opponent doesn’t have a shirt either so what now big science? To all the people who…

First off I don’t know what you mean cause I (insert air quotes) love to follow the law (insert air quotes) and I am in a regressive state. But also hell no. I live a bit too rural for that but not rural enough to produce. (insert jazzhands)

Dude it’s been six months. How do you have drugs left?

Quarantine Home Tip: If you make your ice cubes our of 3/4 Root Beer and 1/4 Fireball, your drinks only get stronger. 

“Hence why it’s always been baffling how little a damn is given to police recruitment and training.”

Do you know the Muffin Meal? 

Yeah I was the same way but for Shirley Manson and Garbage. Shirley Manson is all about using her voice to speak up for equality. They never got as big as No Doubt or Gwen but they all seem to be cool people. 

This 100%! I constantly am amazed at people complaining about the quality of service at fast food places.

What a punishment complain and get sent to a better team. E. Saunders I am sure learned his lesson. 

Defining absolutes is fun on the internet but absolutely useless morally and practically. If this were a man and he had a relationship with a woman who worked for him and they ended up in a long term marriage that guy isn’t Harvey W.

Some people will never make enough. I have worked with people making 5.70 an hour who constantly have said “that’s not my job”. I currently work with multiple people making over 80k a year that also will say “it’s not my job” frequently. Paying the right person the right amounts is a skill good management should have.

Was your boss Scotty from Star Trek?

The opposite minimum wage gets and employer minimum effort.

If making inappropriate comments about Ivanka Trump is suddenly a crime, then they didn’t really need to leave the White House to catch a criminal. 

I love Tucker and Dale vs. Evil but there is a lot of gore in it. It’s all funny gore but gore none the less. 

If any of my bosses referred to me as “The help” we would have a pretty kinky sexual encounter of my foot up their ass. You not knowing anything about the actual law that exists that covers this, but feeling the need to put your very not well informed opinion lacking substance or fact is where the Horsey comes in. …