Part II just flows better as a song, Part I is more about the harshness of the insults.

Look, what you call “nice things” are actually objectively terrible, and thus by transitive property, you’re terrible for liking them.

I dunno, man. I just heard a couple second sample, and then I just kind of extrapolated out from there. My initial results seemed, like, 98% accurate to me.

Nah, man. Part II is the one you need to post.

Are we sure that he was groping people? Maybe he was just like, “I’m just gonna be gesticulating my arms and it’s not my fault is anything gets in the way...”

It’s like they’d say in hockey...

Emphasis on “reasonably”.

-1 octave

I had the Japanese version first, which is called “unagi pie”. I saw those in Chinese bakeries in the US later, though, and they were always called butterfly cookies.

According to an interview, that’s exactly where it’s from.

I also liked the Bob Emergency.

“commentators”

I can’t quite make out what you did there, but I get the general idea.

I was watching fantasy stat updates for a game Peterman was in last year. At one point he threw an incompletion...

It’s like how the French are the losing side in the French and Indian War, despite not actually participating in it.

“My neck, my crick...”

People already mix salsa and sour cream. Like, I don’t see how this is some kind of gigantic stretch. Especially if the salsa is pico de gallo, because half the stuff in pico de gallo is stuff you dump ranch on when you make a salad.

You are a filthy liar. There are only 5,040 combinations possible.

Y’all, I think we should start a GoFundMe to Send Ilhan Omar Home.

By which I mean, we send her back home on a first class flight to Minnesota. But we dress it up like it’s a hostile GoFundMe. We pocket the leftover cash because that’s how this grift works.