Meanwhile, Carmelo’s kids are busy kicking bronze things into lakes.

But some of those dudes were Russian.

OH, THAT ROUSTABOUT!

The only Orange Creamsicle style beer I’ve had that I liked was not an IPA, and that’s probably not a coincidence. The other ones I’ve had tasted like orange rind and shit that had gone bad. Creamsicle does NOT pair with hoppy bitterness in my book.

“I simply can’t drink alcohol because I’m on a work lunch break.”

The dude that gets the card didn’t even DO anything in that giant clusterfuck! 

Oh they pumped up that jam. They pumped it, pumped it, pumped it up.

I think you have the wrong objective. I think it needs to be like, something about uniting the White, or like preserving the Confederate heritage, which I feel like should just be us talking shit about how badly they lost.

If you’re making a ground turkey burger, throw some oyster sauce in there ground mixture. It does wonders for the flavor.

The Beyond taco at Del Taco tasted like mineral paste.

The Toronto Technotronics would have been perfect.

I took my car in to get fixed, and I was driving around in a shitty beater that didn’t have a CD player, so I was listening to godawful radio.

Shocking, I tell you.

Well, the fact that they slept together consensually kind of takes the edge off that particular thing.

Did you HEAR the things he said about Martin Luther King, Jr?

That’s a great description. I’m stealing this.

Oh lord. Does he have mobes?

Nah, I have a friend who has a dog that routinely does this. You won’t hear a damn thing, but the dog, who’s been sitting there asleep for 30 minutes will suddenly get up and walk to a different part of the room and lay down.

WHO HAS JUST ONE SHORT?

Oh man, that guy was a hoot. Ol Dave “Shits Himself At Work” Davidson.