I literally know the Cat in the Hat by heart without the book there because I’ve read it so many times to my children.

Starred for “Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwww!” Because that was my exact reaction to the photo.

This part was especially eye-roll/cringe worthy as well:

Whatever happened to just finding out the sex at the ultrasound?

I felt bad for any Irish people who had to work in the area.

It wouldn’t surprise me. According to Mia Farrow, Soon Yi had learning disabilities, and a pretty horrific early childhood that likely caused psychological problems as well. Those would have made her susceptible to the grooming overtures of a pedophile, especially one that had a custodial role in her life.

...lied about having an anal cyst in order to obtain a draft deferment to avoid going to Vietnam.

Sadly Lady G strikes me as the type who’d get off on getting fucked by a cactus.

And Ash Wednesday is a week from today, so we’ll be seeing a shit load of fast food outlets shilling fish sandwiches until April 3.

That’s definitely worth a cackle.

There’s a decent chance she confused Gorilla Glue with Gorilla Snot hair gel

But the child porn kind of blows that out of the water. Nobody’s going to do that just to grab a viral moment.

In these messages the sender claimed to be “100% a cannibal,” wanting to “eat” and “drink” the blood of the recipient, among various violent kinks.

You fix it by not training police to think they operate in a war zone where everyone who looks at them funny is a potential mass murderer bent on preventing them from going home their families that night.

Seriously, it’s like Moscow on May Day 1991. So many red flags with this guy. 

That’s why I’m really hoping/praying the great state of NY  can come through with criminal charges against the entire family. 

Fuck Rick Schroder with a rusty piece of rebar.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the Cheneys may be evil, but they ain’t dumb.

I want Wintour to attend ALL events at the next fashion week in a muumuu and Crocs.

I laughed and also threw up in my mouth a little.