“During the middle of service, he would laugh hysterically while running around the kitchen zapping fruit flies with the creme brûlée blowtorch.”

I actually do this on the regular... laughed for quit a while. They flame up for a second, then, POOF. It’s the only effective method I’ve encountered for the parasitic…

"I realized my mistake two minutes into the first day. Suddenly, there were 300 midwesterners at every table..... Men in Christmas sweater vests who were "married" to women who treated their dogs like children and actual people like rodents. Gaunt librarian types who could not make eye contact with humans. Weird Jesus…