I always found his over-enthusiasm weird and insincere.
I always found his over-enthusiasm weird and insincere.
Points!
This post is satire by humor writer Alexandra Petri
Let’s play Clue, shall we?
My first concert was The Who, The Clash, and Eddie Money at the Pontiac Silverdome.
I was gonna say that sex workers should have all the rights of normal workers, but that sounds like it might be a punishment in some ways.
“Putting up stupid signs was a bad play, because why piss off dad, when you can instead, build his daughter’s ikea furniture, get her number, and be in her parents’ good graces.”
Can you imagine the conversation between a couple vegan crossfitters that just came back from Burning Man? My ears are bleeding just thinking about it.
Make sure you haven't handled any hot/spicy food right before and make sure you wash your hands a few times if you do. There have been a few times when things were a little hotter than they should have been. Wash your hands first regardless though.
Rage, Rage, Rage, against the dying of the pike.
Nah, it means you're there to watch a live entertainment show whose entertainment value has dipped below the appeal of going home. It's a perfectly fine thing to do.
"TL;DR"
He's referring to Currie House's famous Less Than Zero themed party where everybody speaks in short, choppy sentences in first person present tense and half the house does so much heroin they have to carry around personal puke buckets and the other half does so much coke their noses are bleeding all over the social…
-Remember that time I wrote a poorly-worded and confusing email to you that was just a hair under the length of the Infinite Jest?
-I do, ole chap! I had such a silly haircut back then. Welp, let's bury the hatchet and get back to completely ruining the entire fucking world.
Sex is fun. Seeing our folks is stressful. Having something fun to do makes the stressy parts suck less. Ta da, logic.
JimBeam Double Black is my well bourbon. Life's too short.
Old Crow holds up just fine on $2 Whiskey & Coke night.
I have two children, but I've had sex more than twice.
I fixed it for you.