Personally, my money is still on Steven Seagal. Vladimir Putin likes him too!

And he burned so, so bright.

Welcome this week's special guest Communications Director, Steven Seagal!!!

Josh Brolin is playing LibDem leader Vince Cable?! Weird casting, but okay…

But will this movie have Karen Gillian's exposed midriff? That'll be the key…

You know, Disney, the reason why people liked the first Pirates movie wasn't that it was based on a known theme-park ride, but because the script was fun and witty.

Will they play only new songs, or will there be No Surprises?

Hey, look! A tumbleweed! I've never seen one of those before! I didn't even know that they were real.

Blow up, not off!

Or a Pharaoh. I leave the New vs. Old Testament allusion for the reader to decide.

Fuck him. I can look WAAAAYYYYYY more Jewish while I blow people up!

That poor kid's going to have to reconcile with this all one day. If it isn't killed like the rest of us in the world war Donald Trump starts to juice his approval rating.

To be fair, he was also a terrible actor in Inglorious Basterds.

That's the best thing I've seen all day!

Errgghh.

Is it a tech-related problem? I'm pretty good with AutoCAD and ArchiCAD. Maybe I could help?

Oh, and speaking of divorce; how is your bitch of an ex-wife?

Well, according to conservative Christians, we all end up paying for butt stuff in the end.

Okay. We'll still strip all the copper out of here, but use the money to buy Priyanka Chopra something nice. You can give whatever it is to her. I'm just in it for the looting.

I know! Let's rip all the copper wiring out of the walls and sell it!