“Like a good neighbor, state farm is there.”

- Stalin, to the Ukrainians

He would be SUCH a great Bond.

The time has come. Black James Bond, please. #BlackJamesBond

I can’t wait for the new Luther and am trying really hard to ignore they are making an American version. There is only one Luther and that’s my boyfriend Idris.

Burying information in paperwork to sneak something by.

Does Tony Goldwyn have an alibi?

“While it’s a great story and all, Beyonce has the best light-up bracelets of all time.”

My brother owns a nightclub in Austin and after watching some hipsters fail at changing a tire out in front of his club one night commented on how sad it was watching these guys with beards fail when he’s seen drag queens do it without breaking a nail or screwing up their makeup.

Hey, Torch? I love ya, man.

Oh, that’s fucking beautiful...

Then his brain-OS crashes and he stands frozen, arms dangling uselessly, while he reboots.

As I will be “inevitable unplanned urine stream.”

“Then his brain-OS crashes and he stands frozen, arms dangling uselessly, while he reboots.”

How in the fuckity fuck is it 2015 and some ingenious asshole hasn’t created a fake vagina specifically for this with sensors and doodads that ring a loud noise and say things out loud like “That isn’t the vagina, wrong hole moron.”

Yo, didn’t Chyna post screenshots of Tyga messaging her along the lines of, “BABY COME BACK, YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

“Restaurant food was decent but I had to provide my own bread and wine. The next day I was nailed to a plank of wood and died. Would not recommend.”

One of the issues with black cats is that they often don't photograph well. Shelters try to get pictures of all the cats, but the circumstances are less than ideal. Unless the lighting is great, you have a good camera/photographer, and the cat isn't feeling skittish, it is hard to get a shot that shows their features.…

Getting two cats is better than getting just one.